My Anxiety Journey: How I Overcame Anxiety

Anxiety first took hold of my life in my early teen years but looking back; I feel I always had anxiety. Some people would describe it as being "shy." I often heard things like "He's just shy" or "He's a quiet boy."

I was shy and quiet because I was constantly nervous and afraid. My childhood was filled with uncertainty and worry.

We moved around a lot – which meant new schools, peers, and trying to fit in again. I also witnessed domestic abuse of my mother on many occasions, which led to feelings of helplessness and increased fear.

When I became a teenager, my anxiety manifested as obsessive thoughts and behaviors, relentless worrying, unrealistic fears, and a mind that wouldn't stop. I began having regular panic attacks. Ultimately, this led to isolation and avoidance of social situations.

Being a teenager means increased responsibilities, pressures, and puberty. These were experiences I couldn't handle, and my anxiety truly took over my life.

When I say it took over, it truly took hold of everything I did. Where I went, who I was around, and what I did. It made me second guess everything and plan ahead in case "it" happened again.

I quickly realized that this wasn't how most people around me felt all the time. Sure, people had worries about the pressures of growing up or developing anxiety from time to time – but this was different – this was constant. I was experiencing anxiety 24/7.

This was chronic and obsessive worry, panic, and deep fear. It was interfering with my life, and I wanted to get better. Like many, I took the first step on my anxiety journey by going to the doctor.

At 15, I saw a doctor about my anxiety and panic attacks. After a short talk, he concluded that my anxiety was caused by a serotonin deficiency and prescribed Prozac (yep, Prozac at 15).

Within a few days, I worried less and felt more comfortable in public. I didn't necessarily feel happy, but I also wasn't as anxious or fearful.

After a few weeks, I felt nothing at all. I didn't worry as much anymore because I no longer felt strongly about anything. At the time, I felt this was better than the alternative of daily anxiety and panic attacks.

After a few months on Prozac, the positive benefits declined, and I made another visit to the doctor. He decided to increase my dosage.

The "benefits" returned, but with more severe side effects. Along with the lack of feelings came a gradual loss of motivation for anything.

I became a cold, uncaring, unemotional human being.

As the side effects continued, I realized I needed to do something. My next visit to the doctor resulted in an entirely new prescription.

This time Paxil.

For the next decade, I continued on this prescription rollercoaster.

I was prescribed Paxil, Lexapro, Celexa, Wellbutrin, Effexor, and several other medications.

The doctor would increase the dosage each time the "benefits" seemed to wear off. Once that stopped working, or the side effects worsened, we would experiment with a new prescription.

I tried drug cocktails – adding this prescription to the mix, taking away that one, or taking 2 or 3 medications simultaneously.

While I did receive a measurable degree of relief from anxiety and panic attacks with these medications – I didn't want to live the rest of my life in a numb, medicated fog.

While I'm not demonizing antidepressants – they have their place and can even be life-saving – I don't see them as a permanent solution for most people.

I believe a certain percentage of people's anxiety is caused by an actual "chemical imbalance," where medication may be necessary for the long term.

However, for most people, these drugs should be used to provide short-term support.

Problems arise when doctors have their patients try every drug available for years without providing alternatives.

Suppose an actual chemical imbalance isn't the cause of the anxiety. In that case, medication is simply a band-aid and likely will not provide permanent solutions.

(My experience with antidepressants occurred before they discovered the link between antidepressants and suicidal thoughts in young people. Looking back on my experience, I was lucky. Many young people died because of drugs like Paxil and other antidepressants. Fortunately, we now know the dangers of prescribing antidepressants to children and teenagers.)

During those years of taking medications for anxiety, I was determined to overcome anxiety naturally. I researched and read everything I could find on human psychology.

I wanted to know what was going on with me. Did I have some "disorder?" Maybe it was a "chemical imbalance?" I read everything I could find; books, essays, and scientific journals.

I soon discovered meditation and began to practice… And practice. And practice…

Trying to sit still and "notice my thoughts" with an anxious, chaotic mind – was like trying to learn to swim while frantically kicking and splashing as fast as possible. I had a hard time at first.

My struggles with meditation led me to search for ways to "boost" my ability to relax and meditate.

During my search, I came across a company called Centerpointe Research. At the time, there was little else like what they were doing, and it was all relatively new technology.

Centerpointe created a brainwave entrainment product called Holosync. It was my first experience with binaural beats technology. From the first listen, there was a noticeable change in my level of nervousness and anxiety. I felt more centered and more balanced.

I began using Holosync for one hour every day. I became committed to it.

Over the following months, I noticed profound changes. I worried much less; I felt happy and more friendly. I felt more balanced and centered in my mind and body. Panic attacks were becoming less frequent.

Within a few months, I became less attached to my thoughts. This key factor gave me much-needed space in my mind, so I wasn't constantly wrapped up in my thoughts.

It wasn't necessary to have a knee-jerk reaction to every thought. I didn't need to stop the thoughts (which is almost impossible for anyone). They were just thoughts. This was a tremendous insight for me.

Instead of trying to fix my anxiety, I realized a better way was to develop acceptance, greater self-awareness, and the ability to quiet the mind and maintain space between ME and thoughts.

My newfound experience with brainwave entrainment significantly increased my interest in meditation. Once my daily meditation practice was firmly grounded, I began practicing breathwork techniques and eventually moved into a daily mindfulness practice.

After years of taking antidepressants daily, I felt I no longer needed them – it was time to come off. I didn't want to be stuck taking a pill for the rest of my life.

I felt good from my daily meditation, and better understood myself. It should be easy, right?

If you've ever been on a prescription drug, like an antidepressant or an anti-anxiety medication, you probably know how difficult it can be to come off. Especially after years of daily use. You probably know (or you should know if you're on one and plan to come off) the importance of slowly lowering your dose.

Unfortunately, I was young and slightly overconfident in my ability to come off the drugs – I didn't realize the dangers of stopping a medication that had such a powerful impact on my brain.

I made a huge mistake – I stopped taking them.

By the third or fourth day, I was a nervous wreck. I had extreme panic attacks. My brain was going non-stop. All the feelings the pills had blunted overwhelmed me all at once.

By the end of the week, I was back on them again.

It would take several more years and several more failed attempts before I would come off those medications entirely.

Although painful, my first failed attempt provided another positive insight into my anxiety. I realized that my brain chemistry and biology were integral to my anxiety and overall mental health.

Meditation and other techniques were essential for my anxiety – but my brain needed more help to handle the effects of years of prescription drug use.

Over the next few years, I studied biology, brain chemistry, and supplementation.

With a better understanding of biology and brain chemistry, I realized that the antidepressants were helping my brain to hold serotonin (which is how SSRIs work). By stopping cold turkey, my brain was not holding (or producing) serotonin as it should – because it had become dependent on the medications for that purpose.

I needed to support my brain by providing the neurotransmitters it needed if I would come off of the medication successfully.

After several years and failed attempts, I finally came off the prescription medications.

I chose a time when things were going well, and I had a loving, supportive girlfriend, a good job, and great friends. I was at a point in life I had always wanted to be, and life was less hectic and more grounded.

I believe that choosing that time, with supportive people beside me, was instrumental in helping me to stop the medication.

It worked!

I have always been interested in self-development and self-improvement. While other kids my age were partying or buying the latest sneakers, I read Freud and purchased all the self-help books I could get my hands on.

For better or worse, I was becoming a self-help junkie.

To say I tried a lot of different therapies and programs would be an understatement. In my early 20s, I had a decent-paying job and began to go full force with my self-improvement journey.

I started with various programs. This took place well before the significant number of online courses now available online, so they were usually mailed to you as DVDs or CDs.

I also attended numerous seminars, workshops, and retreats. Some were helpful and well-regarded such as meditation retreats – others pushed the boundaries of made-up garbage created to make money.

I tried numerous supplements, herbs, medications, and nootropics. I experimented with the latest technologies and devices that promised relief from stress, anxiety, and depression. Again some had been scientifically proven and did provide comfort, while others were mere "snake oil."

To give you a better idea of some of the things I have tried for anxiety, stress, and panic attacks – here is a small list:

Psychoanalysis

Gestalt Therapy

Talk Therapy

Hot & Cold Exposure (jumping from an ice-cold bath to an extremely hot bath)

Silent Retreats

Meditation Retreats and Seminars

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Workshops

Ayahuasca ceremony by a Shaman

Psilocybin mushrooms

Brainwave entrainment – binaural beats, isochronic tones

CES Devices

Shadow Work

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Chakra Clearing

Acupuncture

Integral Life Practice

Progressive Relaxation

Reishi Healing

Rebirthing

Trauma Healing workshops (screaming, crying, hitting pillows)

Qigong workshops and training

Cannabis

CBD Oil

Biofeedback

Herbs & Supplements

Medication

Pranayama – breathwork

Heartmath

Nootropics

Yoga

"Attacking Anxiety and Depression" program

The Sedona Method

Workshops on Forgiveness

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)

The Law of Attraction

Massage Therapy

New Age Self-Help Books and Programs – Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, "The Secret," Deepak Chopra, etc.

Fasting

Heavy Metal Detox

Positive Affirmations

Visualization

Exercise – Weight Lifting

Exposure Therapy

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) – "Tapping"

Looking back at this list now, it's a wonder my anxiety isn't worse today than it was before.

This list isn't everything either; there are quite a few things I'm too ashamed to admit I tried.

Your list may be much smaller, or it may look similar. Either way, I'm sure you've tried at least a few of the abovementioned strategies.

The problem with my approach was that I was constantly jumping from one thing to the next. I wrote off many things I may have benefited from – simply because they didn't provide immediate relief. Or I wasn't fully focused and attempting many different therapies simultaneously.

Some things were just pure fantasy and provided nothing of value. They would have a good sales pitch or promise incredible results but nothing to back it up.

I began to smell these money-hungry teachers and peddlers from across the room as I became more experienced with the whole self-help industry.

A few things surprised me with their effectiveness – such as Acupuncture and Massage Therapy. But the results were short-lived – usually entirely gone within a few hours. Still, they felt great!

Many of the intensive retreats, workshops, and seminars I attended were highly effective. In some instances, after a day or two, my anxiety would be gone completely, and I would be almost euphoric. "I'm healed!" I would think to myself.

The problem with retreats, however, is that once you leave that safe and accepting environment and get back into the "real world," – you tend to slip back into your old patterns fairly quickly.

I've attended well over 15 retreats, seminars, and workshops, and this has always been the case. You may have experienced the same.

That's not to say we should avoid retreats or seminars or that they aren't effective – they can be life-changing – it's that after the retreat, you need to bring whatever practice you learned into the world with you.

The "high" will wear off, and your guard may go back up, but those skills are truly needed in the real world.

Some of the things I tried made my anxiety much worse. Cannabis, for example, made me extremely anxious, to the point of paranoia. Even while friends and others would claim, it would "mellow me out."

A few therapies, such as rebirthing and trauma work, brought up so much unconscious baggage that I would need therapy for several months to handle it all.

Then there are those strategies and techniques that have worked for me, and I continue to use them. These are the strategies and therapies that we teach on this site – such as Meditation & Mindfulness, CBT, brainwave entrainment, Qigong, MBSR, breathwork, relaxation techniques, supplements, exercise, and nutrition.

During this time of self-improvement, meditation, and self-help, I had utterly neglected an essential part of my overall health – my body.

While I had been aware of the power of herbs and supplements for many years – I had ignored the importance of healthy nutrition, getting the proper vitamins and minerals, and the power of exercise. These three components play a huge role in our overall health and the amount of anxiety we experience.

I saw massive changes when I improved my diet, reduced my sugar and caffeine intake, and started an exercise program.

Meditation and therapy are incredibly powerful for handling anxiety – but if you consume massive amounts of caffeine, refined sugars, processed foods, and other junk daily, your brain and body will suffer, making overcoming anxiety difficult or impossible.

I avoided exercise most of my life. As a teenager, the gym would invoke intense feelings of anxiety.

I've always been skinny – even though I'm in good shape now – and laying my skinny body on a bench and barely being able to lift the bar in front of a bunch of people – sounded about as fun as a root canal.

After developing a healthier diet and supplementing with vitamins, minerals, and other herbs – exercise was the next logical step. When my diet and nutrition improved, I had the desire and the energy to exercise. Taking care of my body felt good, and I wanted to continue.

I quickly discovered that exercise is a fantastic stress reliever.

I would go to the gym for about an hour, three days a week, right after work. Regardless of what happened during the day, I would put it all into my workout.

Stress, tension, and anxiety would disappear by the end of my workout. I would drive home feeling great, mentally sharper, more grounded in my body, and sleep much better at night.

I tried both cardio and weightlifting.

In my experience, weightlifting is far superior for anxiety, stress, and tension relief. In addition, I felt good and looked good – so I felt more confident. I still did some cardio – like running on the treadmill and other warming-up cardio exercises. Still, I received the most benefit from weightlifting.

I recommend trying both and seeing which works best for you. It doesn't matter if you are a woman or a man. Your goal doesn't have to be to look like a model in a fitness magazine. Your plan can be to improve your health and reduce stress and anxiety. I recommend at least giving weightlifting a shot.

Many self-help books, magazines, and websites recommend exercise for anxiety. Still, they usually talk about cardio – running, walking, exercise balls, etc. – especially when it's advice geared toward women. I feel this is a mistake.

Not that cardio is wrong or has no benefit. Still, cardio combined with weightlifting – or bodyweight exercises such as chin-ups and pushups – can make a much more significant difference.

I spent many years trying many different techniques, therapies, and strategies – getting results here and there from different places.

Through trial and error and years of experimenting, I finally realized what worked for anxiety.

By combining specific techniques, practices, and therapies that worked in each area of my life, I created an integrative approach to overcoming my anxiety. This was the key.

The areas I am talking about are:

Biology (brain & body): focusing on a healthy diet, physical fitness, and using effective strategies to keep our brain and body healthy, we become healthier in both body and mind, leading to less stress and anxiety, and greater vitality

Psychology (ego, thoughts, beliefs): what we believe about ourselves and the world around us, what we focus on and think about, and the person we want to portray to others directly shapes the world we see and the life we experience, it also has a profound effect on how we feel and whether or not we experience anxiety; therapies such as CBT, ACT, and Psychotherapy can be invaluable for helping us in this regard

Mind, Breath, and Spirit (Mind with a capital "M" ): meditation & mindfulness, breathwork, Qigong, and other techniques help to establish the essential skills for quieting the mind, becoming more centered, and connecting with something greater than ourselves.

Environmental (relationships & environment): here, we focus on our relationships with others, setting clear boundaries, getting out of toxic or harmful relationships, and improving our lives through work, love, and family.

Combining these areas into an integrative approach to anxiety proved the answer to my lifelong anxiety, fear, and panic attacks. My life has changed ever since.

Over the past 25 years, I have spent countless hours researching, reading, and training. I've spent thousands of dollars trying different supplements and herbs to find what worked best. And I've spent tens of thousands of dollars attending seminars and retreats.

It was a persistent effort through trial and error.

I realized many people were attempting a similar "trial and error" method to overcome their anxiety issues.

Having drastically improved the quality of my own life, I began to offer help and guidance to those in the same boat as myself years earlier. I provided advice based on what had worked for me.

I started by helping my family and friends. Both anxiety and depression ran in my family, so there was no shortage of those needing help.

My mother had been on and off antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications for as long as I could remember. She would always refer to her anxiety as "bad nerves." I'm unsure whether that term came from her doctor or something she preferred over "anxiety" or "panic attacks."

Her beliefs about herself were ingrained over a lifetime, and she wasn't open to meditation or many other techniques. So we started with something basic and essential – her diet.

I had never realized how terrible her diet was until we sat down and discussed it. She often skipped breakfast but drank nearly an entire pot of coffee before noon, and fast food or fast frozen meals were the norm for dinner. She also smoked a pack of cigarettes daily.

It became easy to see what was causing a significant part of her anxiety.

Simply eliminating harmful foods and substances and replacing them with healthier options had a profound effect.

Improving her diet and cutting back on coffee and cigarettes while introducing supplements like magnesium and fish oil reduced her anxiety drastically. Over time she began journaling and using brainwave entrainment for meditation each day.

She eventually quit smoking after a lifetime of trying and rarely drinks coffee anymore. Her diet has remained healthy, and it shows and the change has been dramatic.

Seeing her remarkable change was one of the significant events that inspired me to put all my effort into helping others with their anxiety.

The way I saw it – if I could help someone who has dealt with years of abusive relationships, decades of antidepressant use, and a lifetime of fear and anxiety – I could help others too.

I began offering advice online – on forums, health-related websites, and other places people went for help. I also started providing support to those in my local community.

My drive to help others manage and overcome their anxiety has increased over the years.